"I have got to leave to find my way.
Watch the road and memorize
This life that pass before my eyes.
Nothing is going my way...
...We're closer now than light years to go. "
- R.E.M., "Find the River"
And it's good to backtrack! It's a powerful experience to go back to the beginning of a trail and not only see how far I've come, but to start anew with a fresh mind--an erased blackboard. I may see signs that I have missed, and familiar signs may reveal more.
I've been reevaluating many of the basic assumptions that lead to spiritual knowledge: concepts of Self, Reality, Life, Death, et al.
Especially have I been meditating on the Self, that pesky concept of individuality that gnaws at the edges of reality. Philosophy and mysticism have both destroyed and resurrected this critter a million times over. Yes, the Self is a distinction born of defining reality according to the boundaries of my senses. And yes, reality is essentially One Thing, Nothingness and Everythingness at the same time. But the landscape of my reality is shaped by the arbitrary "Self" definition, and though I may dissociate from time to time, even this dissociation is limited by my experience. It is unlimited in my imagination, but my imagination is limited by my mind.
--Or is it my Will?--
And so duality rears its controversial head once again, even while the horns of monism shred the boundaries of Self.
But here, at the beginning of the trail, the old questions are no longer old (and perhaps no longer questions), and I can experience the knowledge that I am yet young and have plenty of time to unravel the fabric of my reality. There's plenty of time to peer above the blanket of myself, as well as delight in the warmth of its embrace.
I'm closer now, with light years to go.
1 comment:
"But here, at the beginning of the trail, the old questions are no longer old (and perhaps no longer questions), and I can experience the knowledge that I am yet young and have plenty of time to unravel the fabric of my reality. There's plenty of time to peer above the blanket of myself, as well as delight in the warmth of its embrace."
That's funny.
I feel also as if I've rather come full circle... back to the beginning of the trail that blew open my supernatural life in the Spirit of God just a few short years back. It's like I want to walk it all again... and look again... look closer... see new things there... find new meaning and insight... that I was not ready for... that I could not see the last time...
"There's plenty of time to peer above the blanket of myself, as well as delight in the warmth of its embrace."
Beautiful. (and cozy!)
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